A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Dirty Laundry Is Aired Online

By

Maria Helena Carey

I’ve been turning several things in my head for a few days, and I feel I must write them down.

Because I’m betting these are things that give you pause or quicken your pulse in a weird or obsessive way, too.  And I’m thinking that committing them to pen and paper –if you will– might give me some perspective and make me feel less… insane.

1. Does it annoy anyone else when grown women regardless of sexual orientation refer to their close female acquaintances as "girlfriends"?  Because to me it’s like nails on a chalkboard, and it makes me uncomfortable to a degree– especially in the deplorably ungrammatical "me and my girlfriends."  No guy has ever felt the need to call his fellow friends who are also male "my guyfriends" –let alone "my boyfriends", mainly because usually the gender clarification is used when there may be a doubt as to who the friend is and not as a weird default.  I guess that’s it: unless there is a specific situation in which you need to clarify your friend’s or friends’ genders (i.e. "My *girl* friend Chris just got a new guinea pig, and my other friend, Chris, said *he* hated guinea pigs, so they are no longer speaking to one another.")

2. Speaking of pets, let’s say that you’re a busy person and you run a busy household that includes a pet.  And say you forget to bring in said pet from a car that was sitting outside, in the high heat.  And the car’s windows were all closed.  And let’s say the pet dies of suffocation.  Does that make you a pet murderer or does it make you a sad victim because you lost your beloved pet?  Does it make you a generally reliable person who just made a horrible mistake, or does it make you a person who is clearly so unreliable and grossly neglectful that said person should not be trusted with another pet?  Should one call this person "Michael Vick" behind that person’s back, or is that inaccurate seeing as Michael Vick actually killed his animals knowingly?

3. Let’s say that you know someone relatively well.  This person is constantly bringing up people in conversation whose acquaintance you’ve never made.  And even after you admit to this person that, no, in fact, you do not know a person X, and no, you’ve never been introduced to person Y, and alas, you’ve never had the pleasure to meet person Z, your friend insists upon talking about them as if you and X, Y and Z went way back.  Also, your acquaintance also likes to point out how cool/amazing/awesome/fascinating/thrilling/scintillating X, Y, and Z’s lives are and how deeply involved they are, even though you’ve never actually seen them together. 
Is that annoying, or is it merely a point of jealousy because you wish you were as cool as, and as involved as your acquaintance is with X, Y and Z?

4. Do you ever get the feeling that even though you’re long out of high school, whenever things are at their least pleasant or perfect they seem to replay just like 9th grade?  Is it because whenever things are not going well we revert to our insecure and immature selves, or is it that you cannot ever escape the person you were in your teens?

5. Is it really so wrong to start singing a musical theater tune out of the blue?

6. Do you ever get the urge to tell people exactly what you think about them, even if it means breaking a long friendship or familial relationship?

7. Do you ever wonder why it’s so hard to gather up that courage, even if the alternative is to have to deal with someone who unsettles you and makes you feel awful and unwanted inside?

8. I wish I could ask someone to forgive me for behaving horribly toward that person in the past.  It’s that person’s birthday today, and I would like to issue a "happy birthday" wish.  And, I’m so very sorry.

9. Am I the only person who keeps a tally of wrongs (and rights) in my head, and which comes back to haunt me in the wee hours of the morning on occasion?

Please, readers: don’t leave me hanging.  Tell me if you can relate to any of the things I’ve written above –even #8. 

Have a lovely rest of Tuesday, and I look forward to hearing from you.

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11 responses to “Dirty Laundry Is Aired Online”

  1. anOCgirl Avatar
    anOCgirl

    oh i can totally relate to #8. for me, that person is my gay ex-boyfriend. i really wish we could’ve worked out that whole friendship thing. i was so awful to him because i was so hurt and i felt that being hurt justified my actions. but now that i’ve got some perspective (i.e. grew up), i really wish he was still in my life. i think we’d be really good friends now.
    #1 doesn’t really annoy me but it occasionally strikes me as odd.
    i’m sorry. but calling someone who may have accidentally killed their pet does not make them a ‘michael vick’. that’s way too harsh of an insult. vick is pure evil incarnate.
    #3 happens to me alot and it is annoying. i end up hearing so much about people that those people feel like people i know even if i’ve never met them. not sure if that’s a good thing.
    as far as #4, my office feels like high school most of the time. and the drama i had with my staffs while working retail definitely felt like high school. maybe one never actually leaves high school, whether they want to or not.
    #6 and #7 are toughies. i would love more than anything to tell off my sister-in-law sometimes, but i hold myself back. meanwhile, she is free to make me feel like sh*t whenever she wants to. how is that fair?
    see? you’re definitely not alone. 🙂

    Reply
  2. sunchaser Avatar
    sunchaser

    #8: If you make a mistake, and the person doesn’t forgive you, you can only ask for forgiveness so many times, before you have to just chalk it up as a loss (both their and your loss, theoretically) and move on. Personally, I know that I’m much more the “forgive and forget” kind of person than not. I just feel that life is too short to be holding grudges, so if someone really can’t forgive me for something, then maybe it’s just fate’s way of sorting things out? That’s one way to look at it, anyway.
    #7: Yes, I think about that too, but I try not to let it hold me back. So you swallow, imagine the best outcome, and just go for it!
    #6: I kind of do that already. 😉 And I think it’s actually improved (some of) my relationships.
    #5: Of course not, it’s awesome. In fact, if I someone started singing out of the blue, it would actually make me like them even more (in some cases, too much).
    #3: That’s just rude, that’s what that is.
    #2: I guess “it depends.” It is extraordinarily awful if someone would do such a thing, but there is a difference between knowingly killing an animal and doing it by neglect. Should someone who neglected an animal that way should be trusted to have another pet? Not so much.
    #1: Doesn’t really bother me (but I could say why it would bother someone)
    Great list! 🙂

    Reply
  3. Jolene Avatar
    Jolene

    1- I’m guilty of the girlfriend thing. It’s the whole “my BFF” thing that makes me want to smack people! Teens I get, grown women…lazy bitches.
    2- Pet murderer. How are YOU the victim in that? YOU killed your pet. Court over.
    3- It’s annoying as hell because it makes you feel like a schmuck who is only in the conversation at all because you got sucked into talking to said aquaintence. It’s pretty damn rude of the other person and I usually just say I don’t know them twice and then walk away. Yeah, I’m ignorant. 😀
    4- I hear ya sister. Only I would have to go WAY back since I got pregnant at 15! LOL. Yeah, not visiting THAT again. Totally get what you mean though.
    5- Myself and ALL THREE of my kids break out in Phantom of the Opera songs at the drop of the hat. It’s so awesome!
    6- Do I ever THINK of doing it? Oh honey, I’ve got being blunt down to an artform at this point. Life’s too short to not tell the truth and if you do it with some class and crass then you’re not an asshole.
    7- I think it’s because we fear what they will say in return and that goes back to the teenager thing. Whether people want to admit it or not our self-esteems are fragile things. It’s just finding the things that chink our armour that is the mystery. Tell ’em off, life’s too short! 😉
    8- Then ask. My husband has taught me something very important and that is that the WORST anyone can ever say is “No”. Ask for their forgiveness, if they won’t accept it then you tried and that still counts.
    9- No hun, I do the same thing. I have so many regrets and wrongs that sometimes it is honestly suffocating.

    Reply
  4. NTE Avatar
    NTE

    If #5 is wrong, then I am in deep trouble.
    And I very definitely relate to both 7 and 9: I only wish I had the magical answers for you.

    Reply
  5. Florinda Avatar
    Florinda

    #1 – I do it regularly, and so do my girlfriends. 🙂 It doesn’t bother me at all.
    #2 – That’s a hard one. I don’t think it makes you a victim, but I do think it makes you someone who will struggle with guilt for a long time, and probably shouldn’t get another pet. (That would be my reaction, anyway)
    #4 – I sometimes believe that high school never ends. The REALLY sad experiences are the ones that take you back to the 6th grade instead of the 9th.
    #5 – Not wrong AT ALL!
    #6, #7, #8 – Yes to all of them.
    #9 – I have family members who were famous for doing that, but I really try not to.

    Reply
  6. Ghosty Avatar
    Ghosty

    1. Anyone who hates guinea pigs isn’t worth speaking to, so it’s moot. Unless it’s you, in which case I’ll forgive you, but you’re on thin ice lady.
    2. It’s inaccurate. Did you do something horrible that we must now wonder about? You didn’t leave your guinea pig to die in the car, did you? Oh my god.
    3. It’s not only annoying, you should show your acquaintance the door on their way to hang out with X,Y and Z. Maybe this person will then talk X, Y and Z’s ears off about you.
    4. I’m too old and/or traumatized to remember 9th grade, so, uh, no.
    5. “Clang, clang, clang went the trolley! …”
    6. Urge? It’s the only way to live. See #7.
    7. Tact is a wonderful thing. It allows for such freedom of expression.
    8. Confession is good for the soul. ‘Happy Birthdays’ are a nifty way to get that in there, too. Bring a gift, something nice.
    9. Nope, I do too. I carry regret by the bagful. It’s not a healthy thing to do. Of course, I don’t have a dead guinea pig hanging over my head, either.

    Reply
  7. bohemiangirl Avatar
    bohemiangirl

    #1 – I don’t refer to my friends as girlfriends but the word itself doesn’t bother me. What does drive me nuts is when people end each and everyone of their sentences with ‘yaknowwhatimean?’. You know what I mean?
    #2 I feel bad answering this question because I don’t want to insult you if you are talking about yourself here but I have pretty strong feelings when it comes to animals. I would have to say that leaving animals in hot cars with the windows closed is cruel. If I walked by a car and saw that, I’d smash the window to save the animal. Sorry. You asked.
    #3 Rude, indeed.
    #4 Some things never do change. I can totally relate.
    #5 Hells no! Let it out!
    #6 Yes. In fact, I have a very strong urge to tell my man’s brother to F off but I won’t because it would be more uncomfortable than the anger I’m harboring right now.
    #7 Yes. It pisses me off actually. I guess it boils down to tact as Ghosty said. But tact flies out the window when I have something to say that might hurt someone’s feelings. I either put my defenses up and charge full speed ahead or cushion it up will fluffy niceness so that by the end, nothing is really said at all.
    #8 Everyone deserves forgiveness, especially when they have the courage to ask for it.
    #9 Happens all the time.

    Reply
  8. wyliekat Avatar
    wyliekat

    1. Does it annoy anyone else when grown women regardless of sexual orientation refer to their close female acquaintances as “girlfriends”?
    I used to loathe and detest this. Eventually, sheer mass exposure got me and now, I use it regularly. I believe this process is called “normalizing”. Either that or “shock therapy”.
    4. Do you ever get the feeling that even though you’re long out of high school, whenever things are at their least pleasant or perfect they seem to replay just like 9th grade?
    Yes. That’s why I get irked with anyone who says “Oh geez, are you still upset about something that happened in junior high?” Those people clearly had nothing upsetting happen to them in junior high. S’all I’m sayin’.
    5. Is it really so wrong to start singing a musical theater tune out of the blue?
    No.
    6. Do you ever get the urge to tell people exactly what you think about them, even if it means breaking a long friendship or familial relationship?
    Frequently. And most of the time, I end up saying something to that effect, even knowing it’s a bad idea.
    7. Do you ever wonder why it’s so hard to gather up that courage, even if the alternative is to have to deal with someone who unsettles you and makes you feel awful and unwanted inside?
    Very frequently, lately. I’m wondering why I don’t have more hate in my soul. Because hate would be handy, at the moment.
    9. Am I the only person who keeps a tally of wrongs (and rights) in my head, and which comes back to haunt me in the wee hours of the morning on occasion?
    Not at all. I had to seek medication eventually, so that I could sleep at night. I could still cite chapter and verse of all my wrongdoings from the cradle on. Seriously.

    Reply
  9. Juanita Avatar
    Juanita

    Hmm, you asked for comments, bub, so here goes…
    1. The whole “girlfriends” thing doesn’t bother me if (and only if) you are of Golden Girls age. If you are younger than Rue McLanahan, you’re not allowed to say it.
    2. I think it “could” be an awful mistake, but if you blog about it expecting sympathy and are clearly a little self-avsorbed than you are a dumbass and a pet murderer.
    3. Hmm, I think that is annoying and I think the person is often “stretching the truth” to make themselves cool by association. I just smile and nod and think about funny cat pictures off the Internet.
    4. I think most of life is just a continuation of high school. Some days are senior year others freshman. I think more people would lead fuller lives if they admitted that they are not as mature as they think and we all have growing to do.
    5. It’s not wrong as long as it is good. I’m on the fence about the newer ones. But, say anything Rogers and Hammerstein, oh yeah.
    6. I often feel that way, but then I wuss out.
    7. No, I know exactly why it is hard, but that doesn’t make me any more able to do it. Like when Dante was talking about shitting himself rather than lifting up the toilet seat in Clerks.
    8. It is good you put that out into the Universe. Good for your karma.
    9. No, you’re not the only one who can’t let things go. I personally keep a tally of past mistakes/embarassments so I find myself dropping off to sleep then transported to 4th grade when I pinched Jeff’s butt in fron of everyone. 😦

    Reply
  10. StealthBadger Avatar
    StealthBadger

    1. It’s kind of odd, yes.
    2. The operative word is “forget.” It puts you in the same category as someone who has run a red light and hit (possibly fatally) a pedestrian, but not in the same category as a murderer or killer.
    3. It’s causus belli to beat them over the head and shoulders with a pillow until they stop.
    4. As others have said, it’s because much of our society is pretty damn childish, with the goal being to emulate the Kewl Kidz.
    5. No. ^.^
    6. I call that “the inside voice” in front of other people I don’t know, and “the inner badger” in front of people I do. I let it out a lot. This would be why I’m mostly a homebody.
    7. See #6.
    8. *hugs* -_-
    9. I mostly smirk at people who are directing hurtful criticism towards me, because there are very few people out there who can more accurately hand out a laundry list of my faults than I can. The people who I can, I pay close attention to, though.
    *bat bats at the Dao the kitty is playing with*

    Reply
  11. Peter Andersen Avatar
    Peter Andersen

    #1: What is annoying about this is not the confusion of sexual orientation, but of grown women referring to themselves and eachother as girls.
    When you reach a certain age you need to stop referring to yourself in a childish manner – boys become men, and girls become women – a 50 year old girl is kidding nobody, and playing the ‘sweet little baby’ at that age is just plain pathetic.
    #2: Not a pet murderer, since that would be a concious act – but lawbreakingly stupid would be more like it.
    #3: Not annoying if there’s some good gossip to be found – gossiping about people you don’t know can be fun!
    #4: Well – your personality doesn’t change – so I guess you’re still the person you were in 9th grade…
    #5: No – if you can sing, otherwise please shut up, and stop making noise pollution.
    #6: No – I just do it, if they can’t take it – then they’re not good friends, if they can, it’ll strengthen the friendship.
    #7: Again – just do it, and to h*ll with the consequenses – you’ll end up feeling bad anyways, so why not feel bad because of reasons that you can control ?
    #8: Well – if you behaved badly, you should say you’re sorry, but why is it important to be forgiven for you? Will forgiveness make you a less bad person in any way? I’ve forgiven people who has behaved appalingly towards me in the past (ex-girlfriend who slept around), with the comment that ‘I forgive you, because you cannot help being the person you are, and it is the person that you are that dictates that you do something like this’ – nothing will ever be forgiven or forgotten – but I will not hold a grudge.
    You cannot ask people to disregard past behaviour in their estimate of you, and that is what you do when you ask their forgiveness.
    What you can do is prove that you are sorry, and instead behave in a way that will win their regard back – if it is unwinnable, then you did something to horrible, and it is too late.
    #9: Really interesting in view of #8…

    Reply

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