I’m starting to think that my ancestral tribe of people must have been very vapid…. to the point where I wonder exactly why people like me managed to make it all the way down the generations, and eschewing sorting by the rules of the survival of the fittest.
Allow me to explain:
There is little in this life that causes me more of a rare thrill than shopping centers.
Screw the architecture and the attractions; I seriously could not care less about the cultural opportunities. I’m rather uninterested in rock concerts, let alone the opera and the ballet (unless the venues have nice gift shops).
I felt like a pariah in Hawaii not because it was hot and muggy or sticky or FAR FAR FAR FAR AWAY.
Nope. It was having to endure family and friends bragging about the great cereal they’d purchased at Trader Joe’s. The chutney? Trader Joe’s! The trail mix? Trader Joe’s, of course. And the delicious wine? That would be Whole Foods. And the crisp, I-can’t-seriously-believe-it’s-diet-seriously-though root beer? Target! Isn’t there a Target on the moon by now? (NOT IN HAWAII THERE ISN’T!) As I fell back in dismay upon the lovely embroidered pillows, feeling my resentment mounting, I realized they were Cost Plus pillows. And I wanted to bite them. (No wait… I really didn’t).
You wouldn’t have wanted to leave me alone in the kitchen with the Henckels knives (availiable at Williams-Sonoma— thank goodness we had one nearby!). I was feeling murderous for about two years straight, on account of retail opportunities missed.
But here we are in the nation’s capital: a place filled with history and beauty and some of the friendliest people I’ve ever met in my life. I feel like I’m in some sort of musical whenever I walk the streets, because everyone, no matter how rushed, always manages a polite "How do you do?" to squeak out of their lips. I’m almost always kind of expecting someone to burst out into song or to start dancing. But all I can think about is the shopping. I’ve been planning out my routes: this is how serious I am. I am loving every moment of shopping-planning whilst knowing that shows will not get screwed up because some are on at the regular (read "Eastern") time, while others can play up to three hours earlier than normal. And now that there is Daylight Saving, who knows if they’ll move the shows around again?
I don’t miss Hawaii.
I did miss the shopping.
And my ancestral home is a mall. A MALL, PEOPLE: A MALL!!!!!!!!!!