It’s Monday. It’s raining. It’s the day after Easter.

For some reason, the whole Easter hullaballoo really bothers me. I mean, really really bothers me. I’m sure I will win no friends airing my thoughts about this, because it just seems that Americans are madly in love with Easter, and they have some major baggage regarding this holiday. So if you just love Easter, I’m ever so sorry but I just gotta unload– and possibly help YOU unload in the process.

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Okay. Is the whole Freedom of Religion memo is invalid for Easter, or are there really that many people who believe in the miracle of the Risen Christ and the core tenet of the Christian religion? I mean… even Jewish people and Muslims and Agnostics are somehow okay with wishing others a Happy Easter? And everyone seems okay with the pagan bunny –even Fundamentalist Christians??– and the eggs from the ancient fertility rituals? Apparently everyone hightails it to family and to church, considering that all churches are packed on that ONE day (apart from Christmas) and everyone wears their Easter finery to the House of the Lord. But they don’t really believe the Lord dwelleth there, now do they? Not for the main part. They just want to make sure their children get enough eggs from the Egg Hunt, of course.

After all, Jesus really rose from the dead after his horrible death just for the Cadbury eggs. So creamy; so sinful!

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In a society where the Pledge of Allegiance and nativity scenes are deadlier and more urgent enemies than any terrorist could ever be, somehow it’s okay to send blessings of Easter, delivered by the furry and cute harbingers of what REALLY is happening all around: sex. Somehow Easter and its symbols are so mixed up, so illogical that it is okay.

Back to sex: Yes, people. It’s no coincidence that people “hump like bunnies.” And the eggs? Do not ever be so naïve. It used to be about sex and spring and sex and more sex: after all, that is what happens in the Northern Hemisphere during this time of year (and yes, you’re inhaling AND allergic to tree semen. Get over it).

Somehow, Easter is untouchable– especially by the collective American psyche. You must go to church. You must dress up. You must fashion a basket with eggs (what else?) for every boy and every girl. You must pretend you like it. You must eat ham. Rinse, repeat.

The only controversy of this Easter day that I’m aware of comes from local gay and lesbian parents, who felt their families were not welcome to the White House’s Easter Egg Roll (where I can guarantee you there is one very miserable person wearing a very soaked Easter Bunny costume). The First Lady assured them all families are welcome– although now I’m having a hard time figuring out why this inclusion of gay and lesbian families is somehow not extended to their desire to marry to be a family in civil terms. I’d be pretty confused if I were they– as I am confused about how EASTER is somehow not controversy-worthy in the first place.

BUT HELLO??? NO NATIVITY SCENE ON THE WHITE HOUSE BUT BUNNIES, EGGS AND BLESSINGS ARE ALLOWED?!

Does it not bother anyone else that people routinely ask for blessings and prayers? Not everyone prays! Not everyone is/feels/wants to be blessed! Maybe happy, yes (that’s the origin of the word) but why do we insist on discriminating against some religious symbols while completely going hog-wild over others? Is this not hypocirisy of the worst kind? It’s one or the other, people!!! Either we admit that we all want to do this and we think it’s cool and we proclaim ourselves a Christian country and end it or we realize that we are a country whose freedom of religion means that no one religion gets to control the media– or the Senate, say–, and that freedom of religion also means freedom of NO religion and so people should just do their own thing, in private, and not have the media and the retail industry be so pushy.

Either that or just come right out and say it: Easter celebrates candy, and people painting on eggs. Just admit it and we’ll be on our merry way, eating Peeps and crème eggs. So there.

Here’s a parting image for you. Enjoy.

17 Apr This entry was published on April 17, 2006 at 12:49 pm and is filed under Onerous Onomastics, Religion. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.