Beginning and End

We're more than twenty days into 2011 and I hadn't felt the need to blog.

Okay, well, I HAD felt the need to blog, but I just hadn't done it.  There is that whole "failed marriage" specter which is kind of clinging to me like a very large and sad cobweb, and which makes it hard to be completely frank and straightforward about many of the thoughts I have been having.

But it's the sad truth: marriage, ending.  It's amicable.  We are working on it.  The less that can be said about it at this point, the better.  After all, I do still have two munchkins who may someday read all this crap, and the last thing I need is for them to read things that may make them resent one or both of their parents.  Or at least read things that may make them think their mother sure was one hell of a dumbshit.

Anyway, here we are: the first year of a new decade.

I confess: I have the old-feeling thoughts often.

But perhaps it's enough for now to dwell on the endings, and on the old-feeling, and on all the things that could have been but never were– life is painful enough as it is to focus on the bad right off the bat, when the year is still young and the gyms are still overflowing with grease-faced hopefuls who want to feel better about themselves at least until Punxsutawney Phil sees his shadow or not.

I'm back for now, bitches.  Deal.

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This entry was published on January 20, 2011 at 10:50 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

8 thoughts on “Beginning and End

  1. I’m sorry to hear this Maria. I hope, as much as is possible in a situation like this, that things are and remain amiable. Sending warmest thoughts your way…

  2. Christina on said:

    You’re a lovely, wry, witty, woman. You can. You do. YOu will.

  3. Sivyaleah on said:

    Maria, G mentioned to me a while back about your marriage but I didn’t want to pry and since you never wrote about it, I wasn’t sure were this stood exactly.
    I’m very sorry to hear that things went forward into the realm of divorce, however, it’s great that you’ve been able to keep things friendly. I wish I’d been able to do the same, alas, I had different circumstances.
    Looking forward to you blogging more this year. I always enjoy reading you.
    Laurie
    a/k/a Sivyaleah
    formally known as Elora
    (must stop with the alternate monikers!)

  4. *nods* Attitude is important. Thinking about the fact that your children might someday read this blog or know someone who read it and not understand the feelings behind a post is important.
    I look at life this way – for every ending there is a new beginning.
    Definitely take the time to resolve your feelings about the past. If that means dwelling on negative feelings so you understand them then do so. Just don’t let it become all you think about. Look forward to new experiences in the upcoming decades.
    I know this is a sorrowful time for you but you will be getting many joys in the future. Stay positive!
    And welcome back. I’ve missed your posts. 🙂

  5. Maria, I’m so sorry to hear about this. I had been picking up on a thread of melancholy in your writing for a some time now, so I suspected you might have something unpleasant that you were chewing on, but I didn’t want to pry and ask about it outright. As someone who’s dealt with the end of a marriage and a divorce in the past as well, I can identify with a lot of what you’re feeling. Sending love and light to you in the little ones…

  6. I’m glad you’re back. I’m sorry you’ve been going through such a rough stretch, but I’m glad to get at least the short version of what’s been going on. (I wondered, too.)

  7. Thank you everyone. I am feeling the love.

  8. I’m so sorry, girlie.
    {{{M}}}

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