A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Day Of Poo And Stinkor Looming

Today would be the day that I would earn my motherhood "Brown Wings" O Internets.

Today was the "Dies Rrhea", if you will.

You will never understand the meaning of loving a person DESPITE IT ALL unless you’ve had to clean up this person’s poop from white carpet while reassuring them that they didn’t do anything wrong — that mommy loves them and that she is not seething with anger and disgust.


Herr Meow, as is common at this age, likes to explore his defecation options.

He might be upset someday when he reads that particular sentence.  I think it’s imperative that he reads it, because he needs to understand what his mother did for him (i.e. clean his bowel movement while refraining from rubbing his muzzle in it) and how she cared for him.  Plus, this is nothing new: mothers (and fathers) have been cleaning up crap since the dawn of time, both literally and metaphorically.

So anyway.  He has mastered the art of removing his diaper ("dah-purr" or "pahn-hall" if he’s feeling bilingual); he sits to pee about twice a day in his potty; he knows that he doesn’t like to be dirty; and he is EXTREMELY communicative when he’s about to poop.

This is the tricky part though: he hates to poop when people are around.

So he will start his tugging-at-diapie bit, followed by the preliminary strain-and-grunt noise and he’ll start turning red and then he’ll get the Look Of Intense Pleasure and Concentration going.  And when questioned about whether he’s pinching a loaf he’ll quickly say, "Noooooo" while turning red.

And if he’s doing this over the potty with us present, he’ll stop trying, get off the pot and ask for dah-purr.

And he goes off and poops in some secluded corner of the house.  Or he’ll hide behind some furniture, or he’ll hold a book over his face and pretend that no one can see him poop.

Or he tries to be a clever boy and spreads a disposable changing mat and then poops just one inch off from where the mat ends, so he can poop somewhere with a view.


And when he’s done, he comes to get his mother, the sweet little huggy boy, who proceeds to do the following:

1 .Panic and repeat to self "I KNEW he would do that today!"
2 .Try to suppress torrent of bad words anxious to spout off mouth. 
3. Tell him he did well.
4. Then tell him that next time he should try the potty because mommy isn’t thrilled to clean poop off the carpet.
5. Fume inwardly and wonder if I’m going to give him a complex.
6. Get on the internet.
7. Find precious angel sent from above in the guise of Army Wife, Toddler Mom and her post on cleaning poop off carpet in three easy steps.
8. Rejoice in the fact that I aim to keep a well-stocked house and it hasn’t failed me now– golden rays shine forth from the bottle of hydrogen peroxide that lives under the bathroom sink.
9. Pick-up the poo as thoroughly as possible.
10. Gag a little.
11. Realize I’ve only done this with cats before.
12. Further realize that at least cats don’t have the option of telling their friends and peers in the future about how their mother traumatized them when they crapped all over the carpet.
13. Dab, dab, dab, dab, repeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

And voilá.  (Thank Jebus!)


I can laugh now.  In fact, I love poop.  I do– try me.

Anyone out there have any poop merriment to share?  Or, for that matter, any cleanup tips?

This entry was published on October 10, 2007 at 3:42 pm and is filed under Domestic Bliss, Herr Meow!. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

8 thoughts on “Day Of Poo And Stinkor Looming

  1. Ah, Parenthood!
    We were at my cousin’s wedding once, and between the wedding and reception my husband, trying to be the wonderful hubby that he is, decided to change our daughter’s dirty diaper in the car… while she was in his lap… in the dark. Needless to say, he ended up wearing more than just his suit… And he never changed a diaper in the car again!

  2. My nephew was the same way at that stage, as far as not wanting to poop when anyone was around. When he had “that look” on his face, he would literally wave you away (buh-bye!) until he was done.
    But we all like privacy for that, don’t we? Even my DOG doesn’t like to be watched, although it’s hard to give her much space with a ten-foot retractable leash. (And since I need to pick up after her, I do need to watch a little.)
    And for carpets – Folex. I swear by that stuff – as I mentioned, I do live with a dog.

  3. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

  4. Oh man, not looking forward to potty training. Think he’ll just . . . figure it out on his own?
    I have one poop story. I let Hayden come in the shower with me, and he wanted to stand in there after I got out. I wrapped my towel around him after I was done with it and tried to get him to get out. He crouched down and wouldn’t come for a minute, then let me take him out.
    And he left me a little gift in the shower.
    Thanks for participating and good luck!!

  5. Something to look forward to! I had forgotten about the joys of that toilet training age. Great post!

  6. I just keep wipes handy for those not so fresh moments. We’re both new to this potty thing, and the tugging, grunting song & dance is so going on with us too. I just wish he had better aim…like not in front of the front door, but in the potty…in the bathroom!
    Thanks for the giggle this morning!

  7. We’re going through attempted potty training right now. So far no poop on the carpet thankfully.

  8. oh wow. i think you turned off my biological clock. thanks! 🙂

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