A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Household Tips

* Short in space?  Store things in Mason jars– like the ones your pasta sauce comes in.  Mason jars=awesome.
And see-through!

* Depressed?  No one can stay down for long after singing "Kiss" by Prince.  Bonus if you shake your butt around the house.  Double bonus if you make outlandish faces and poses while singing it.  Triple bonus if you get caught by unsuspecting neighbor.

* Annoyed by über-helpful toddler?  Give little person in question a Swiffer thingy with a couple of sections removed so it’s fit for their size.  They will actually clean your floor.  You will be pwned in floor-cleaning skills by an 18-month old.  It rules.

* Hungry?  Pound cake rules.  Eat it often, preferably while singing "Kiss" or running up and down stairs so the calories don’t count.  However, don’t eat it too often, as your fat cells cannot handle that much awesomeness.

* Calories consumed while cleaning out the fridge or the pantry don’t count  "full-strength" since you’re moving around.

* Gnat problem?  Set a glass of pineapple juice on the counter and watch them flock.  Do not drink the pineapple juice after you’re done catching the gnats, however.

* Dehydrated?  Drink water in stylish container.  I fell in love with snooty little water bottle.  It is way too cute.  You should give it a try too.  You can click here to buy or do your own search.

* Disenfranchised?  Grow herbs indoors and use them frequently.  Even if you cannot cook, you can use mint for mojitos, chives to jazz up baked potatoes, parsley to sweeten breath, lavender to make sachets, and lemon verbena to make tea and bring happiness into your life,

* Ran out of toothpaste and need some in a pinch?  You can always dip your brush in some baking soda and water, and be all natural!  Be sure to rinse your mouth out well.

* Have an obnoxious low-grade infection?  Drink some grapefruit seed extract (GSE).  I was a non-believer but I tried it all last week and holy crap!  I don’t know exactly what that horribly bitter substance does to viruses, bacteria and other overgrown and unsavory characters, but wow.  I am pretty sure you will not be disappointed.  You will, however, have a pretty nasty taste in your mouth for a few days.

All for now, chitlins.  Take care of yourself and break out the alien mask in celebration of Tom Cruise’s birthday today!  Wheeee!

This entry was published on July 3, 2007 at 9:24 am and is filed under Laundry List. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Household Tips

  1. Added bonus: Come clean Ghosty’s kitchen when you’re done. He’s a batchelor. You can just imagine. *ick* … Shaking your butt and singing ‘Kiss’ while doing it is totally optional.

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