I am green-obsessed.
For as long as we’ve been in this new house, I knew I wanted to repaint the main bedroom in a nice shade of green that would bring out the dark wood but not look like a hospital– sterile and uninviting. Well, at least I certainly knew that the current shade of the room, which reminds me of some sort of clay-based treatment at an upscale spa and that could possibly involve hot stones and obscene amounts of Saran wrap, didn’t cut it.
I don’t like to wake up every morning and look at something that reminds me of mud. Sure, it’s inviting mud: the shade has even kind of grown on me. But I am tired of it. And a few months ago, boosted by the success of painting Herr Meow’s room, I started the Quest.
This would be the obsessive quest toward finding that one elusive-yet-perfect-but-somehow-definitely-out-there-yet-not-anywhere-I-looked shade of warm sage green that isn’t quite sagey but kind of more mossy but not very vibrant but still very green but not lemony.
Honestly? I had no idea that finding a color would be a task that would make me reassess my own preferences and tastes, and would challenge something to which I don’t like to give much of a thought: my own personality flaws.
If you’ve ever had to pick paint, I’m sure you’re aware that your choice is something that will stick with you for a long time. I see you in my mind’s eye nodding your head: it’s an elementary concept ("duuuh"). Of course, wall colors stick around for a long time, but you can always have a do-over. You can always get some primer and start again.
You’re not committed to a color. It’s just something fun.
Alas, I have a problem with that whole concept.
For me, things should come out right the first try. I hate rough drafts. I don’t like repeats. I have little mercy or patience with myself or others when things don’t come out buttery-smooth and with a crusty finish on my first attempt. This, folks, makes for bad crafting and bad artistry and overall bad sportsmanship. But worst of all, it makes for a bedroom currently sporting six different shades of green, one blue and one pink (minor folly), giving the Dalmatian treatment to the mud-brown walls and creating some sort of strange Piet Mondrian nightmare effect.
Oh. Did I also mention one of my walls is also currently a shade of green that clashes with mud? It’s a deliciously vivid shade of green called "Mossy Green" but which looks like the moss was collected on St. Patrick’s day. The color on its own is happy and vivacious; but when it gets hit with our generous amounts of western sunlight and the hue reverberates and reflects on every surface –and double for the mud– it looks like I painted it with bile.
So I’ve had to realize that the whole "no rough drafts for me" and "everything must be awesome on the first try" fantasies are just that: fantasies and constructs in my mind to prevent me from looking at the real issues. Namely, I need to realize that as much fun as things are, not everything comes out right on the first try. Even things that later turn out to be fun are painful and awkward for the first couple of times… or more. I’ve skated on my ability to do some things well right off the bat, and on my undiluted talent to rationalize why it’s not worth doing other things at all. I also need to realize that painting little bits of wall is expensive and wasteful in the long run– with all the money I’ve put into samples, I could have already bought all the paint for the room… if only I could commit to a color.
I’ve narrowed it down to two possible contenders: it’ll either be a color named "Palm Leaf" (by Ralph Lauren, and which looks really not at all like the color in person) or this pretty one that’s a bit lighter called "Sherwood Forest" (by Benjamin Moore, and which looks ugly over the internet, might I add). Or maybe it’ll be one wall with one and one with the other. Or maybe just one accent wall.
Or maybe I’ll just paint the whole thing white and be done with it. AAACK!
Um. I do dare to commit to a prediction about "Idol":
I think Sanjaya is going tonight.
There. I said it. I hope I’m right– on the first try.