Deliver Us From Lameness

I must admit that the sudden turn in the weather has left me a little puzzled and bereft.  What happened to an early spring, you miserable gopherlike thing?  WHY ARE WE GETTING FROST ADVISORIES WHEN I’VE JUST PLANTED BLUEBERRIES?!  I spit in your general direction, Punxsutawney Phil.

Anyway.  My blog has been getting an insane amount of traffic lately from people looking for pictures of two people I’ve mentioned in the past.  One is a pretty logical choice for a web search (and excessive drooling, and a shrine, but I digress), but the other one really leaves me puzzled.  However, it really makes it easy to understand the whys and wherefores of Sanjaya’s long-lasting presence on Idol.

First the logical top search, because he is smolderingly hot and GORGEOUS, Cristiano Ronaldo:

Whoo.  Need smelling salts stat.  *fans self*

But the other search?  It’s Kevin Covais, whose face I featured in a recent blog entry.  Kevin "Chicken Little" Covais.  If the nickname "Chicken Little" says nothing else, it should say one thing:  he looks like a chicken.

And last I checked, things like the specimen pictured above, that’s called BEEFcake.  Poultry is not sexy.  I mean… it is really not sexy. 

See?   Totally not sexy. But apparently people are just totally into looking up this guy’s picture AS MUCH AS they are into looking up Cristiano Ronaldo (*fans self again*).  What the düsseldorf?  Are these the same people who think THIS is sexy?

The world is mad. 
The world is totally lame.

Incidentally though, Sanjaya actually had an okay performance the other night.  It was still not fabulous, but at least it didn’t smack of I-don’t-even-want-to-try-anymore-itis.  Because, man… did he ever butcher that No Doubt song to hell.

_____

Anyway, and don’t ask why, I wanted to somehow tie what I’ve written thus far with one of my favorite guilty-pleasure sites.  No, it’s not the Weekly World News –though I sometimes have been known to eye it lasciviously from my spot at the checkout line on occasion, and you gotta admit that the Ambulance-Dozer sounds A-W-E-S-O-M-E and they should probably fit it so it can actually doze CARS out of the way;  that would be a dream come true, to see all those stupid people who never get out of the way of an ambulance shoved to the side in lovely piles of scrap. 

Okay.  I’m done daydreaming.  My little guilty pleasure is Catholic Online’s Saints list, which I guess is really innocent and not so guilty at all.  I love going there and seeing which saint corresponds to which date, and which patron saint’s feastday I’d like to celebrate.  I also like to plan horrible children’s names so I can just say, "but sweetie!  It wasn’t my fault that you decided to be born today, April 5th, and it happened to be Saint Ethelburga‘s feast!"

Anyway.  I was looking at the patron saint who could most likely approximate what is going on in pop culture at the moment and all I could come up with was… St. Giles, patron of the lame— as in Heather Mills No-Longer-McCartney lame, because there is poetic justice in the fact that she is the best dancer in "Dancing With The Stars" after all.

So today, we pray to you, St. Giles: make us all less lame. 
And we pray to you, St. Ethelburga: may St. Giles make your name less lame.

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This entry was published on April 5, 2007 at 1:05 pm and is filed under Onerous Onomastics, Pop Culture, Schoolmarmish. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “Deliver Us From Lameness

  1. Ah yes, the yucky weather. I nearly shed a tear as I pulled a winter coat out of my closet this morning. It’s so darn windy I almost wish I had busted out the down jacket.
    And Sanjaya was incredibly bad during Gwen Stefani week. I love how she didn’t want him to sing her song. And then he went on stage and messed it up. Ha!

  2. Test comment. Trying to see if it works this time!

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