It Was The Worst of Times. Repeat.

It’s goooorgeous out!  I am loving this thaw!  So, today I went to Target and exchanged a few things and got some more diapers (oh I knoooow, I should totally do cloth but I’m lazy and Al Gore is going to get me and beat me up with a Southern accent) and then we stopped by the Colombian grocery store and got some taste of the homeland (ajiaco for dinner tonight, y’allz!  Read and drool.) and then we got a couple of errands done — you know, dropped a couple of bags off at the Salvation Army and….

…and HOLY-MOTHER-OF-GOD-AND-ALL-HER-SECRET-SERVICE-ANGEL-PEOPLE-HAVE-YOU-ALL-HEARD-THE-LATEST-ON-BRITNEY????????

*Gasps for breath*

Dude.

That poor, poor woman.  Seriously: this is getting even more ridiculous than Anna Nicole Smith and her babydaddy drama. 

She needs an intervention and pronto: someone HAS to make her stay in rehab!  Chain her to the bed or something!  Here is what I think I would tell her:

Hey Britney,

Instead of getting out of rehab again and going to a lawyer to see if you can sue the paps, why don’t you just go indoors so you can’t see them and try to focus on quitting your drug addiction?

I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I promise you that the only reason they follow you around is because you’re an entertaining trainwreck who is such a bad mother that the LA-area CPS might have to get a hotline installed just for you. 

You are not a bad person, really, but your choices are so alarmingly bad that you have us captive, wondering how exactly is it that your mind works (if at all); I mean, you do realize that we all now are starting to think that… that… that Kevin Federline is actually kind of an upstanding guy, right?  The guy who left his pregnant babymama to go hang out with you and be your leech is looking reeeeeeally good by comparison, and if you don’t think that is all kinds of appalling, that has got to be the meth talking.  How about letting someone else drive this train, so you can get the peace you crave and we can get a break?

We all need a break, but it’s near impossible to get away from this.

The only other thing that could consume us as much as this is American Idol, and by the looks of last night this season will be the Season of Suck– this looks like it will be even worse than when Diana "Which-One-Is-She-Again?" DeGarmo finished second to Fantasia "She-Sounds-Like-My-Cat" Barrino.

About the only thing that  could make popular culture even more horrible and soul-crushing could be if

1. A one-legged woman forced herself to entertain people by dancing, for money (yes, it’s for money, Heath-urrrrr),

or

2. Kids were treated to a show where the performers die needlessly in front of them.

Jebus.  It’s the Apocalypse.

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This entry was published on February 21, 2007 at 5:02 pm and is filed under Pop Culture. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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