Bald Britney Bamboozles Bellicosely

What would I ever do without pop culture?
What would I ever do without the Crazy Trainwreck that is Britney Spears?

Hmm…. I won’t ponder that question for too long.  Actually, right now I’m riding my own happy painkiller wave as I sprained the same ankle I sprained two months ago.  This is on the coattails of my nasty little fall on the ice of a couple of days ago, and my surprise! sinus infection.

These weeks have been a little interesting for me, but this is not about me because I’m fine.  Or at least I didn’t go check myself into rehab (in Antigua???), check myself out, fly coach to Los Angeles, shave my own head at a parlor in –of all places in God’s green earth– Tarzana, and then got two gaudy tattoos (which, last I checked, cannot be performed *without* touching the customer) while claiming that I didn’t want anyone to touch me ("don’t touch meeeeeeee! but! take pictures of me shaving my head, k?").

All this time, all these news, all the headlines and all I can wonder is just how much more a body can take, and who is taking care of those poor babies.  I really hope her parents or some nanny are getting involved.  The militant lactivist inside of me can’t help but grieve for both Sean Preston’s and especially poor Jayden James’s failed breastfeeding relationships with their mother –although judging by all the crap she’s been putting in her body, this couldn’t be a better moment to proclaim my love of formula for just such these unfortunate cases where a mother is so incredibly messed up and self-obsessed that she renders her children orphans while still living.

So… how much longer until we get some really tragic Britney news, people?  I think that at this point we’re a completely captive audience, left alone to figure out possible scenarios and bet on whether they will realize or not.  Only time will tell.

My opinion?

I think she might have actually been pregnant again, and her miscarriage sent her over the edge– a miscarriage possibly caused by her excessive partying and body abuse.  Two pregnancies in less than two years; two cesarean sections, which whether necessary or not, are still major abdominal surgery and need bedrest and recovery time; enormous weight fluctuation; two babies to care for– even  if the nannies have probably done the bulk of that; a possibly fair amount of emotional turmoil because I’m sure that even if she didn’t love Kevin Federline, the fact that she had to make the divorce decision must have been hard; and the fact that her fans and legions of admirers aren’t so loyal or so ardent anymore; AND (AND!) the fact that she probably doesn’t even take a daily multivitamin… well.

Well.

That’s the kind of stuff that kills people. 

So, do I hear any bets?

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This entry was published on February 17, 2007 at 6:15 pm and is filed under Pop Culture. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

3 thoughts on “Bald Britney Bamboozles Bellicosely

  1. Just wait until she goes on television and rips a photo of the Pope in half…then her transformation will be complete. 😉

  2. my psychic abilities told me after reading the msn article this morning that you were going to blog about this…lo and behold you did! ah, it made my day. i find your blog kind of like a cult passion. its like, ooh, what celebrity stuff am i going to hear today? thanks for making my entertainment witty.

  3. Texpundit: LOL and amen!
    Apple: Oh you flatter me! *blushes*

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