A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Bloated Globes

I could bet money that, because I have started writing on ye olde blog, Herr Meow shall awaken from the deep depths of his slumber.  That’s just because it’s the way things are, don’t you know?  Also, he’s been napping for almost an hour, so he is due to get up.

Which brings me to a conclusion: self-fulfilled prophecies exist mostly because people make up their minds as to an outcome and then they unconsciously try to make that outcome happen.  So when the outcome (usually) happens, they can go, "see?  I told you it would happen!  I don’t even know why I bothered thinking things would be different!"

Only that they didn’t think things would be different, did they?  And so, the cycle continues.


Last night’s Golden Globes were kind of boring except for a few things:

1. "Ugly Betty" was a big winner, and this makes me proud fo’ ma peeplez.  I know, I claim I’m hispanic when it’s convenient for me (i.e. right now, or when people are trying to say I dance like a white girl), but it is a proud moment for us immigrants and us people who are from the same country where the original Ugly Betty concept and soap opera came from (roundabout way of saying that I’m from Colombia, bitchez, and it was a fellow countryman who had the original idea, so you’d better respect).  Plus you have to have love for a show that is both snooty and very American but also brings in such … such…. such well, um…. okay what I mean to say is THE SOAP OPERA IN THE BACKGROUND!!!  ROCKS!  BECAUSE!  THAT IS HOW IT IS, DAMMIT!

2. Which poor sacrificial bug crawled inside Angelina Jolie‘s ass?  O M G she was so…. so….. weird!   When Ryan Seacrest was trying to interview her, it was as if she were completely bored with everything.  Freaky.  And she is looking so skinny, it’s a little scary.  (K?  She’s PREGNANT?? WHERE!?!?!?)

3. Cameron Diaz looked kind of hideous.  Dark hair and bright red lipstick and greasy-looking skin don’t look good with weird tulle veils.  Just. Too . Weird.  I’m sure Justin Timberlake was looking at you and going, "thank goodness I broke it off when I did.  H-o-l-y  c-r-a-p."

4. Speak of the devil– JT was funny with the whole Prince thing.  He is earning more and more brownie points, damn him.

5. Penelope Cruz made me want to choke her –in a good way– when she was all like, "The dress? (matter-of-fact-look)  Chanel Couture.   My friend Karl Lagerfeld made it for me."  ARGH!  Just, argh.

6. Is anyone else struck by how hokey the Hollywood Foreign Press Association sounds? 

7. What does Miss Golden Globe do anyway?  Does she just stand there awkwardly and walk next to people or something?

8. Was anyone else bothered by Warren Beatty and the constant panning to Annette Benning throughout the night?  And furthermore– was she nursing one glass of champagne (er.. sparkling wine?) throughout or what?  It looked like  every time they showed her, she was taking one more sip.  It was a little creepy in retrospect.

9. Moët, eh?  What, no Cristal?   Frankly, I am shocked.

10. Jennifer Hudson is easily the luckiest woman in the planet.  I will be honestly shocked ("mildly nauseated" and "bittersweetly delighted" also made the list) if she gets an Oscar nomination; and if she does, I have a feeling that somewhere, somehow, Simon Cowell is eating a hat he does not own.  Then again, I have two words for those who take the Golden Globes way too seriously:  Pia Zadora.

11.  Ali Larter’s décolletage is not well suited to that dress.

12. My vote for best dressed goes to Katherine Heigl.  I don’t want her shows; I barely know who she is, but she looked absolutely beautiful from head to toe.

Fsh.  Bring on the Oscars.

This entry was published on January 16, 2007 at 12:37 pm and is filed under Onerous Onomastics, Pop Culture. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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