Waking up in the middle of the night is always an experience. For instance, my first thought –aside from thoughts related to getting the baby or kicking my husband’s leg or mundane stuff– is usually that I won’t be able to go back to sleep again.

It never fails. 2:47 am. Wake up groggily. Do what I must…. OMG-I-CANNOT-GO-BACK-TO-SLEEP-SOMEBODY-HELP-ME-GAAAAAAH.

And sometimes in the threshold of that despair, I manage to be so tired that I fall asleep. It sometimes takes a little while, and sometimes it’s painless.

And sometimes I start to think about what I would like to blog about. Sometimes I remember it, but most times I do not. I assure you, though: if it were sleep-waking me writing my blog I am certain it would be far more amusing. I know I amuse myself as I drift back to sleep.

But last night the thought popped into my mind and I have to elaborate. The thought?

Kate Moss and her nasty boyfriend. Kate Moss. Kate Moss. Kate Moss and her cocaine habit. Kate Moss. She’s ugly: why does anyone give a crap? Kate Moss. Kate Moss.

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Go ahead say it. You are probably thinking that I, like millions of other women all around the world, am jealous of Kate Moss. Okay, granted. There is an element of envy associated with people we can barely stomach, but I’d like to think it’s all deeper than that.

Let’s enumerate why the average person would ever feel envy when confronted with the Kate Moss juggernaut:

* She’s gorgeous. Sure, gorgeous if you are into mousy hair, sunken cheeks, the heroin chic look, weird kind of spaced-out-eyes and weird pointy vampire teeth. Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough, but that’s honestly what she looks like to me.

* She’s tall and has a sculpturesque body. Well, actually she is among the shortest models in the business –because at 5’6″ *I* could be a model– and she’s got no boobs. And a pancake butt. But overall yes, you can say her shape is slim and pleasing and she fits into designer duds well.

* She has had a host of hot boyfriends and is soon to be married to Brit punk/pop scenester Pete Doherty Okay….. she did get to be with Johnny Depp and that is a HUGE point in her favor, but he’s not known for his great taste in women– except for maybe Winona Ryder, America’s favorite shoplifter pixie. But Pete Doherty? Who? Seriously, as US-centric as this may sound, if you haven’t made it big in America, you don’t get to be a little drug-addled prick running around looking nasty and with dirty nails. We have KFed for that, you know.

* She is viewed as a fashion icon around the world. For crying out loud, so is Sienna Miller, and she brought back LEGGINGS. I don’t need to go into the horror that is leggings: the girls over at Go Fug Yourself have documented the horror extensively. The point is that the press usually feed us these ideals of “fashion icons” and they are usallly people who dress rather horribly. Two words: Chloë Sevigny.

* She gets to wear gorgeous clothes from the best designers and has an enviable closet full of amazing, rare finds that anyone would give an arm and a leg to own. Can’t argue with parts of this: as a model she does get to hobnob with fashion greatness. She gets to be the face of Agent Provocateur and Rimmel and Burberry and so on, and I’m quite sure all those juicy contracts also include goods and swag galore. But as a fashionista, she can’t be caught a) wearing the same thing twice or b) wearing something from two seasons ago (unless you call it vintage?). So I’m sure a LOT of her wardrobe goes sadly unworn, sitting forlornly upon plushy hangers. Boohoo.

* Oh please! £30 million??? Is that not reason enough? Ah yes, the munny. Hey, it sounds great, but it’s not buying her a cuter, older, wiser or cleaner boyfriend. It’s not buying her boobies (though it could). It’s not buying her class or prestige, though it did her nicely for rehab. And it’s not getting her my respect either (though that can easily be settled, Ms. Moss). Okay. The money sounds good.

There are many reasons to envy Kate Moss, I suppose, but if it’s just a question of money then I would rather envy someone who has far more of it or someone who earned it in a more deserving way. I would rather envy someone who is not only a notorious figure, but someone who is also a charming and endearing and good person.

So in conclusion, there is just not that much to envy and not that much to see about Kate Moss. So why do people keep giving two craps about her? Why did I even bother blogging about her, other than because I find her success so surprising and pointless? No seriously, why?

I mean, here I go again like a sheep and following all the people who give this woman the attention she does not deserve. WHY, PEOPLE? WHY????

14 Nov This entry was published on November 14, 2006 at 8:02 pm and is filed under Pop Culture. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.