A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Another Randomata

Another one of those my-mind-is-racing posts. It seems that I go through periods of not truly being able to catch my thoughts long enough to pierce them with a little pin and force them to settle into a shadowbox so they can stare back at me and please me later.

Besides, it’s hard to try to write anything when you have to go pee every ten minutes.

However, I shall try.

Several things are abuzz in my mind:

1. You call that a storm? We had such a weak little thunderstorm this weekend… and now it’s all gone. :o( So what’s left? Nothing but humidity and mosquitos, and the hopes that we’ll get another one sooner rather than later.

2. You know those people that drive you insane because somehow anytime you have any kind of interaction with them it ALWAYS ends up being about them, no matter what it is? Like, if you have a horrible backache, they can always remember a worse one. Or worse yet, they can remember a friend whom they mention by name in the (erroneous) assumption that you know exactly whom they are speaking of, and their struggles with pain killers, which of course is far worse than any backache you may have had in the first place.

You know those people? They drive me nuts.
And do you know what the worst part about those people is? That they have abso-friggin’-lutely NO idea that they do the things they do. So they blissfully and pig-headedly continue to irritate your shit until you just have to stop yourself for a minute and realize that no, you’re not the crazy one. They are just absolutely unbearable, and their ignorance of said unbearability will ensure that they will NEVER change.

So stop talking to them already.

3. Peeing frequently sucks. So. Hard. You have no idea, omg.

People of the world not carrying a little alien in your abdominal cavities, listen to me: CHERISH YOUR BLADDER!!!!!!! Void it frequently. Drink water and plenty of cranberry juice too. Whisper a little “thank you” to it when you wake up in the morning, if your bladder allowed you to sleep all night. Tell it you’re sorry if you ever let it go too long without voiding.
Visualize your bladder, and your kidneys too (they are awesome as well), and thank them. Daily.

You may not think much of it right now, but the moment the poor thing is completely squished by a growing baby or afflicted by an infection –like so many of my pregnant sistas have been and continue to be– you will know the meaning of “love thy bladder.” It’s totally in the Bible.

4. Did I mention the heat sucks?
Oh I hear you people cherishing your Indian Summers and the beginning of cool days and crisp air. And I have one loud obscenity I would shout in your general direction with a megaphone (or ALL CAPS, if you will), except that I promised myself I’d not use the F-word in this blog. Yes, I know…. you’ve seen me type “shit” and “bitch” and all, but I kind of am consciously trying to draw the line a little. It also goes for the M-F word. Please do not bring up how I should really consider doing that in my spoken language as well– this is an issue that has not passed unthought in my brain, and something that bothers me more than just a little. Bothers me more than when Cartman was trying to figure out how to get rid of his V-chip.

I cringe to think what our baby’s first word will be. I am betting that we’ll have a “Meet The Fockers” scenario, but my money is actually riding on a loud, well-accented and utterly deliberate “M….. F…..!” And the worst part is that I will secretly be so proud, as I wash my baby’s mouth with soap….

Hmm….. more later. I am not done expunging.

This entry was published on October 3, 2005 at 7:40 pm and is filed under Randomata, Soapboxing. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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