Tempting Lightning

(Also known as, "My god, she's posting twice in a week!")

A friend sent me a few pictures in the mail.  In them, we're ten years younger, several pounds lighter, and far more smooth-skinned. 

On the surface, it's easy to start lamenting the fact that not too long ago we were in our early twenties.  But deeper, where the waters turn murky and turbid, I was struck by something weird: I don't know who that stranger in the pictures is anymore.

Sure, she has most of my same features.  I even recognize an item or two of clothing and jewelry– I still own the sweater she's wearing.

But who was that person staring at me with something that looks like my smile?  I don't remember who I was or what my motivations were. I have a dim recollection of sitting for the picture; but for all I know, someone could have slipped me roofies and posed me like a bendable doll, taken the picture and just walked away; because if I start thinking too hard about it the memory feels made up– like I'm trying to remember something that never happened in the first place.

Sometimes I think about the things I was eager to do ten years or fifteen years ago and I can't imagine for the life of me what would make a person do that.  I don't even mean the momentous stuff: I'm thinking more along the lines of why anyone would wear those shoes or pose in that way for a picture– the trivial stuff.

But yes– that strange meta moment of seeing oneself as a stranger: am I alone in feeling this way?

If you feel like speaking up, please do.  I am wondering if I am alone in this weird, circular feeling.

Advertisements
This entry was published on February 13, 2010 at 10:40 pm and is filed under Inner Lotus Blooms. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: