All I can think of is this:
Monsieur Meow told me about this guy who would walk into the men's bathroom and instead of showing the proper male decorum that –I imagine– orders men to pick stalls away from other guys; to carefully go about the removal and reinsertion of the pertinent equipment; to avoid eye contact at all costs; and, possibly, to wash hands once the deed is done; would instead unbuckle noisily, drop his pants unceremoniously and let them droop down to his ankles and, without taking precautions to man his artillery or guide his cannon to its due course, would simply let 'er rip and start urinating while he placed his hands, balled into fists, on his waist with what I can only imagine to be a satisfied, smug grunt.
I mean– ew, right?
But oh, to have the equipment to pee in such a disgusting fashion.
That man knows pure joy.
The Emperor inspires penis envy? Never wanted one myself. Too floppy.