One of my more ridiculous inner struggles is the one I have with the person I am and the person I wish I were.
Everyone has an inner view of him or herself as either a debonnair, charming, swashbuckling or eloquent individual– a persona they wish they were, but probably are not. Perhaps your inner view of yourself happens to be that of a ninja, channeling inner strength, invisibility and stealth from where there is none.
Maybe your inner vision involves thinking of your life as an endless sequence of cool in a bank heist movie. Or you imagine inaudible applause following you wherever you go, as a silly ruse to get your butt out of bed in the morning.
Perhaps you automatically narrate your day-to-day as if it were an exciting race, dreaming of leading a fast and perilous life.
Or maybe you dream of being the belle of the ball, even as your 6'2", 280 lb frame proves to be a bit of a deterrent to finding the perfect gown.
We all have those little bits of fancy, and they don't always fit with who we are. And sometimes we personally wish we were more the life of the party or the busy, organized planner, rushing through the day being saved by the smartphone and the personal assistant. And by "we", I mean me, of course.
And sometimes we realize that we also inhabit the body of others' inner visions of themselves.
That while we sit there, moping and changing diapers and eating and taking pictures of olives because there is no way in hell most parties are a good enough excuse to get out of the house and find a sitter and etc., there is someone who would trade their busy, fabulous life for an opportunity to sit back and read and eat and live a very, very indoorsy kind of life.
So here I freely admit that yes, I am rather a bore.
I snack a lot. I would rather stay at home. And when I go out, I like it to be a quiet affair. And most of the time I'm okay with this life and these activities (because to me, few things are as enjoyable, deep deep inside).
But then there is the hankering to think I'd have a better time if I were eating these olives at a great party with loads of friends and acquaintances and if I were staying out late and taking advantage of the babysitting opportunities that come my way.