So last night in the middle of the night –somewhere between Herr Meow wailing at the bottom of the stairs after a wrong left in Albuquerque and Mademoiselle Gracie getting tired of people waking her up, I started thinking of reality TV shows and how it would be REALLY cool if someone were cool enough to describe each contestant with one word. But this one word would not be just like, "Reneé is an attention whore" kind of one word– that is to say boring and predictable and altogether NOT one word. It would be like, totally cool… like that one Washington Post Style contest where you have to take a word, change ONE letter and then write a definition based on the newly-altered word. One of my favorite past winners has always been "osteopornosis" and its definition, "a degenerate disease."
So simple. So elegant. So incredibly smart.
So yes… THIS is the kind of things that I tend to think about when I cannot fall back asleep on account of the primo uomo and the prima donna of the house.
I think thank-yous are overdue to those of you who have cheered me up and stuck around during what will become known as "Strange-Ass Week ’07" by the way. I’m sorry that you had to see the series on what gets my goat (and incidentally, there IS one more thing that gets my goat and I might tell you about it once I’m done thanking you all), and I can only hope that better weather is coming and actually hanging out for a while.
Please remind me of this statement when it’s like 87 degrees and 100% humidity out there, okay?
Okay. What follows is an exercise from the naked and unrestrained mind. Read at own peril.
1. The last thing that abso-frizzigginGGG-lutely gets my goat is people who are so politically-correct that they defend the politically-incorrect to the point of ridiculous? My point –since I am really not that eloquent right now– was always best made by that awesome The Onion article on the ACLU’s defense of the Nazis’…. oh, I can’t do it justice. Click here to read, weep, and laugh.
2. This seas.. erm…. "cycle" of ANTM is SO AWESOME. OMG. Where to begin? It is just so drama-filled and delicious. I am loving Brittany, who’s brought back the correct name spelling (is that like bringing sexy back?) and who is such a weepy little girl. Loooove. And I love Jaslene too: there, I said it. She is so friggin’ skinny she’s hard to see sideways, but her pictures are so amazingly gooooooorgeous. Plus, she’s like the lovely spicy (non-descript?) Latina flavor that ANTM had been needing for some time. In that vein, I reeeeeeeeally despise that Renée "I totally care about my baby boy except for that part where I left his little infant ass to come and backstab these bimbos on national television" girl. She is soooooo bad, but that’s what makes this season THE awesome, I tell you. It’s the villains that make the show. Last season the villainess left way too early. (incidenatlly, click HERE to get your villainess name!).
3. Sanjaya sucks. However, it’s fun to see how long sucky contestants are allowed to make it, just to expose the flaws of the system. After all, Fantasia won– and if that isn’t a flaw in the system, I do not know what is.
4. Melinda and LaKisha should get contracts on the spot. They are TOO good.
5. FRIDAY IS HERE! GO LIVE IT UP Y’ALLZ! And um…. do something SPICY! I recommend salsa. In fact, I think I smell some. Goodbye for now!
I can’t stand Renee! She’s a serious whiner!