A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

The Heart of America Is Beating Hard and Drinking Beer

Have I already mentioned I’m a sap?  Because I am.

Some family members just appeared on screen providing a staged yet sweet peek at the motivations behind the players ("He’s playin’ fo’ his MAMA!") and I started to tear up.  Seriously.  Here I am, dabbing my eye.

If you’re wondering what I’m watching, you’re obviously not American.  And if you are American and you still don’t know then you

a) live under a rock,
b) think yourself better than the rest of us,
c) are letting the terrorists win,
d) all of the above

Yes, it’s Super Bowl XLI (or forty-one, for those of you who don’t do Roman numerals), live from Dolphin Stadium in Miami, Florida.  This is big deal.  This is COMMERCIAL BOWL.  This is THE SUPER BOWWWWWWL!!!!!!!!  *whips self into a frenzy*

AFC Champions: Indianapolis Colts (they are arriving first, to the sounds of The Who.  Huddle.  Cheer.  Here I go, tearing up again.  For Jebus’ sake– it’s spandexed men in helmets!  They aren’t even doing anything!!)

NFC Champions: Chicago Bears (they come out to a song I am seriously not recognizing here and I believe they are barking.  Sound goes wonky for a second.  Maybe they cursed?  Damn you, Janet Jackson’s nipple:  now *everything* is delayed.)

The game won’t start for a few more minutes –the national anthem hasn’t even been sung– but I’ve already carbo-loaded: taquitos and chips and apple and a few Gerber snacks (the ones Herr Meow didn’t eat).  But already, I am giddy and the commercials are on full-force (OMGOMGOMG! Was that David Beckham??!?!?!??) and oh…. the Super Bowl.

COLOR GUARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadness!  Billy Joel!  Anthem!  Offkey!
Peyton!  Player whose name I do not know!  Tears!  Tears!  "And the rockets’ red glaaare!"
Sign language interpreter! (do they need one for the anthem?  Doesn’t everyone know the lyrics?  Uh… never mind, most people don’t.)

Billy’s nailed the top note!  Cheers!  Rain!  Clapping!  MORE ADS!!!!!

Jessica Simpson… barf.  Okay, time to stop the play-by-play.


Bone to pick:
Did I mention that the coaches sure looked confident?  And that they both deserve to be at this awesome, top event because they have guided their teams expertly and (OMG DAN MARINO… he’s looking old and tan… Chicago wins toss.) because they have had great seasons and all that good stuff….etc. etc.?

And have I mentioned that this constant repetition that they are both African American is really kind of ridiculous?  They are great coaches who deserve to be there: that is what is important.  Race is not something that has endowed their abilities or detracted from them, and mentioning it over and over only highlights the fact that (holy.crap.chicago.just.scored.92.yards.shock.gag.gag.gag.)….

…that if we can’t avoid mentioning race and its significance –even if it is a good thing–, then we haven’t gotten over our prejudices– even in a small way. 


I can’t leave on such a serious note.  Despite all odds (and that opening kick touchdown), I say Indianapolis walks away with the Lombardi trophy.  Monsieur Meow says they win it by 7 points; I say they win by a field goal. 

This entry was published on February 4, 2007 at 6:40 pm and is filed under Onerous Onomastics. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

2 thoughts on “The Heart of America Is Beating Hard and Drinking Beer

  1. *chuckles* I’m not American yet I knew what you were watching before you mentioned it. And I pick option e) not a sports fan!

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