I’m having a crisis.

Okay, it’s not really a crisis.  Please don’t get worried and hold candlelit vigils for me (then again…. if you feel moved, send donations in the shape of shoes or gift cards to Williams-Sonoma.  I’m just kidding…. no, I’m not), but it’s just something that is kind of bugging me.

It bugs me that I love reading tabloids so much, and I’m kind of wondering if I should make it some sort of belated New Year’s resolution to stop not-really-caring so much about stupid, vapid starlets who should not be allowed to be set loose on their own because they invariably do the following:

a) go crazy,
b) get wasted on drugs or anorexia or both,
c) forget their pants or otherwise pile on the clothing,
d) lose any dignity they had left,
e) take up expressing their feelings in writing in "inadequite" manner, (scroll to bottom)
and
f) end up hanging out with Paris Hilton or any of her former or current paramours, thus playing a rather inbred version of "Six Degrees of Chlamydia."

They are incredibly boring people, come to think of it.  It’s like they have some sort of formula for behavior and they like to stick to the script.

But we, as the audience, also have a predictable behavior:  we pretend to pity them or be shocked, but deep inside, we’re like pigs in mud and rolling in the delicious schadenfreude of it all.

And I think that, as much as I love it, it’s kind of sick. 

If there are cool, brave people out there who can agree to not buy anything for a whole year, then maybe I can also do something for the pettiness of my soul and stop actually paying money to buy gossip rags or, really….  paying any mind to these pathetic, soulless girls and instead focus more on  meritorious goals
rather than meretricious nincompoops.  Maybe I’ll even give you guys a cool word of the day and we can all expand our minds…. how does that sound?

But seriously… does anyone out there feel like that, or do you think we’re kind of entitled to enjoying their spectacles since they pretty much set themselves up for the ogling and the ridicule?

I feel I should do this, if only for myself.

As soon as I’m done with today’s D-Listed.