It’s A Sham About Ray

For a few days now, I’ve had a blog entry on simmer in the back of my mind. Obviously I didn’t remember it yesterday, but this morning as I was watching Fox 5’s morning show (Jenny? Did I see you singing? I think I did!!!) the inspiration suddenly flashed before my eyes.

Rachael Ray: Evil presence or Messiah of the short-order?

I say she’s as evil as the toe-jam in Satan’s hooves.
_______

Now, like a good girl I usually do a little research for my pop culture rants. So when I entered “Rachael Ray” [aack! aaack! Nearly could not find remote and had to endure like two whole minutes of her cheesy show! My eyes! MY EYES! NOOOO! NOT KATIE COURIC ON E! AAAAAACK! THERE IS NOTHING SACRED LEFT!!!!!]….

*cough*

Where was I?

Yes. “Rachael Ray” on Google. Blah, blah, 1968, Virgo (*cringe*– I already have had to reconcile Michael Jackson in my mind…. urgh), born in Massachusetts, buyer, part Italian, part French, blah blah blah.

But then, the surprise:

Rachael Ray Sucks?

“In Defense of Rachael Ray”?

Adding the word “sucks” to the query terms is like diving headfirst into the sugar plums:

“Best Week Ever” takes aim!

Eight reasons why she sucks, at Crazy 8 Opinions!

Even the Boston Globe shares in the wonder of the season, er, the hatred.

But okay…. so I’m joining in the fray. But why?

Two words: HOSTILE TAKEOVER. How can we miss her if she just won’t friggin’ go away?

_______

My consolidated disgust for all things Ray started while in California, actually, where practically EVERYWHERE we went there was some sort of reminder that this scourge is running loose on our streets, not just trying to teach us how to cook but trying to do freaky mind-control. The Monsieur has long been a Ray detractor: for him it’s a combination of the Fran-Drescher-esque adenoids and her weird laugh, and the fact that her cooking is so spasmodic and restless. Incidentally, he also agrees with the #1 reason listed on Crazy 8’s blog.

I’ve long flip-flopped on the RR juggernaut. Yes, she is NOT a chef and her recipes are kind of cheapish-sounding (a main peeve of the foodie community). However, if you can get past the seizurelike stylings of her delivery, there are usually some good morsels of advice and not bad ideas for an average quickie meal. If you want to learn some cooking basics, watching Ray is both good and bad: trust me, sweetums, you’re not going to get anywhere fast by copying her eyeball-measuring method; but you can still learn some prepping and timing techniques, which she is very good at. Rachael Ray is the equivalent of browsing the backs of Campbell’s cans, but in demo format. It’s not too bad as far as quick cuisine goes and it’s good in a pinch, but definitely is something to do in moderation. Personally I think that Giada de Laurentiis delivers much better simple recipes that can be recreated almost from memory — and she is an actual trained chef, for the snobs (with big ol’ boobies, to boot.) I heart Giada (in spite of her weird pronunciation of “spaghetti”). I would buy one of her cookbooks. I try to recreate her recipes and do not spend my blogging allotment trying to put into words why she irritates me. Because she doesn’t and because “Everyday Italian” is a great show that does not make empty promises: for one, there is no time limit on the completion of her recipes, removing some element of frantic cookery out of the equation. That is normal. That is good. And if it is food porn, let it be so. I am not afraid to express my love, dammit!

Back to RR.

So okay…. there was “30-Minute Meals” and it was just a show and it was okay and she was spunky. Suddenly, the show became a main show in the Food Network stable and that was kind of weird: Rachael Ray was on A LOT. Sometimes, back-to-back, even.

But then there were two: “$40 A Day” came along and it was hard to tune into the Food Network without having to listen to the gravelly nasal-and-nicotine laugh of hers.

And then came “Tasty Travels” and “Inside Dish.” And the cookbooks, and the press and the media attention and the frenzy, etc.

And then the (Evil) Force That Controls The Universe gave her a show.

The commercials, on heavy rotation naturellement, touted Ray as an Everywoman and a Best Friend and The Best Thing Since Sliced Bread. They gushed. They exclaimed.

I cringed, and cringed. And I’m still cringing because I can’t believe that this girl is just ALL OVER THE PLACE with her annoying brand of “bubbliness” and now she’s in Mini-Oprah mode trying to tell us all what do to and how to do it. She’s barely even qualified to cook stuff but somehow she is now the voice of reason AND the voice of Everywoman. Please. We already have Tyra to do that, and she has a much more pleasing tone of voice.

I really hope she’s just a fad, because I still have psychological scars from running into one of her freaky life-size cutouts at Borders.

That evil Jokeresque smile…. *cringe.*

________

OH! And that Iron Chef battle? That was SO rigged for Evil Ray to win it was not even cool! How DARE they!?

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This entry was published on December 13, 2006 at 10:17 am and is filed under Pop Culture. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

3 thoughts on “It’s A Sham About Ray

  1. And I quote: “Rachael Ray is the equivalent of browsing the backs of Campbell’s cans, but in demo format.”
    Thank you for making me snort cold coffee out my nose.

  2. Hey!! Yes, you DID see me on Fox news! You must be the only one who did! 🙂

  3. And I thought I was the only one that thought this. Her face is everywhere. It scares me.

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