Won’t You Be My….

Dear neighbor lady,

Thinking that just because you’re some sort of carpe-diem aging baby boomer who despite knowing she could sleep in until 11:45 am she is out there, dammit, being ACTIVE because that’s what people who are YOUNG and ENERGETIC DO somehow entitles you to be rude is not a way to go through life.

I know you’re thinking that I am probably just some whore-monal new mother/inferior homeowner (and-Lord-knows-she-probably-doesn’t-live-here-anyway) psycho overreacting, but I think you’ll see my point forthwith:

It’s hard not to assume you’re being the butt of extreme rudeness when you’re walking head-on toward someone and instead of hearing a muttered, painless how-do-you-do, you instead are given a quick once over and then you see said person walking straight toward you turn to a neighbor who is about 200 feet away from the scene and turned away (because she’s got her head in the trunk, pulling heavy things out of it, lady) and then shout a coarse, loud, hoarse “WELL HELLO THERE, HELEN!!!! “

And then you see her turn on her heel and go back into her (overpriced, possibly tastefully decorated) cave.

You tell me: should I have taken that as rudeness? Or is it perhaps time to update your glasses for your senile, presbyopic eyes? Because I think that you’re really having a hard time seeing up close.

You fat bitch.

Whose ass I hope never to see encased in spandex shorts again. Like I did last week, when you did not say hello either (but then, granted you were turned away from me).

Yours truly,

Madame Meow

P.S.: You remind me of an old, beloved The Onion blurb:


Seemingly Shy Woman Really Just Stuck-Up, Friends Say

September 13, 2000 | Issue 36•32

WESTWOOD, CA–Mandy King, whose quiet, distant manner has led many people to believe she is shy, is actually just an aloof, stuck-up bitch, friends of the 22-year-old reported Monday. “When you meet Mandy, your first impression is that she’s a private person who’s only at ease with people once she gets to know them,” friend and roommate Alison Henke said. “That’s not it at all: She’ll only deign to talk to a select group of people who are worth her precious time and attention.”

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This entry was published on June 30, 2006 at 6:57 pm and is filed under Soapboxing. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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