A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!


Prepare: numbered list of miscellany to come.

1. ULTRASOUND! ULTRA-AWESOME!!!! Soon to update the Meowster’s pics from yesterday’s ultrasound! But wow….. it was so great! And it’s still so bizarre to think that there is this whole little human growing inside (and now kicking more vigorously, even!) and that it is so perfect. Cute little upturned nose. Handsome cerebellum. Perfect little sagittal plane view of a lovely spine. Gorgeous cranial cross-section. Pretty little fingers and hands, one of which covered its face daintily as if to say “NO PAPARAZZI!” Legs demurely crossed– baby’s gender still remains a happy surprise.
And a lovely placenta, humbly clinging to the right side of my uterus, steering clear of trouble– gone is the placenta of my nightmares, willing to hurt me in order to protect the baby. She is now my baby’s fleshy doula: its mother in the interim. And she has implanted herself in a place where she won’t put us three at risk, proving that she’s not out to kill me as previously feared.
The darling Monsieur was so happy. His jokes were whip-cracky funny, especially when the trifurcated fetal artery appeared and he declared that, indeed, the kid had a pitchfork and ultrasound babies all look like the spawn of Satan…. well… I laughed anyway. And his face was lit up like Christmas morning or like the early part of the month when Car and Driver is delivered. Definitely, an Ultrasound can be a wonderful experience, especially if you have a nice tech and she tells you everything looks normal.

2. Gatorade: Drink of the Gods (and Goddesses!)
Two out of two moms agree: Gatorade is a beautiful thing, especially when the days are cruising easily into the 90s or the 100s. Gatorade is yummy. It’s refreshing. It’s got that lovely balance of sugar and electrolytes. I should be getting paid money from the Gatorade company for giving them this plug, incidentally. But what can I say? Gatorade has captured my heart (and my taste buds, surprisingly enough… I used to think the salty taste was kind of off-putting). Drinking as I type, Ice Punch.
God Bless the Florida Gator Geeks!

3. Ballroom Dancing
A special note to the people who go to the Tuesday night ballroom class close to my house and have seen a woman who looks kind of skinny but then kind of fat: I’m pregnant, okay? Do kindly stop staring at my belly and please, please, please, get out of my way, because trying to learn the Viennese waltz while going backwards with a pregnant belly is not very comfortable on occasion. And to the adorable older man who said we looked like an exhibition couple: you are the sweetest person ever! (Do you need glasses? Just asking!)

4. Pregnancy Dreams/Nightmares
Last night, Evil Monsieur made his début in my nightmare: he was wearing a wifebeater; had a horrid 5 o’clock shadow; told me I was just “a safe bet, until something better popped along;” told me he’d taken a female coworker out to lunch, but was “really going to tell me sometime;” and…. the worst part? We had some sort of awful cartoon up on our fridge about Alec Baldwin’s messy divorce from Kim Bassinger and how it’s affected their daughter, Ireland (of all the random things….) and…….. WE HAD A DOG! My cat was nowhere in sight in my dream, and instead Evil Monsieur had a dog. A dog. I know dogs are nice and all… but…. A DOG??? That was among the worst parts of the nightmare. Incidentally, our fridge had a split door and was brown. I know. I’ll be only TOO happy when I stop dreaming about bizarro world. Upside? It made me realize how nice my darling sweet husband really is. Incidentally, rereading this, I realize Evil Monsieur sounds a little like Kevin Federline. Yikes.

5. Did I mention it’s been hot?
Yup. Hot. Hot and sticky. Among my blessings, I count air conditioning twice.

6. Been geeking out on pregnancy board
There. I said it. I’ve been doing the whole “seeking out the pregnant sistas” thing. And for the main part it’s been nothing but fun and bonding and plenty of info that I didn’t really even know was out there……… except for when people are kind of rude… or you don’t know if they are being rude to YOU or they are just bitter and bitchy or whatever. I honestly had no idea people had some sort of secret agenda when going to BBS forums, other than maybe hanging out and making a friend or two (and okay…. not cringing when reading really bad grammar and spelling in the entries, but I suppose that’s just me).

Otay. Done with the maelstrom, I shall refuel with something crunchy, perhaps. Mmm…. food!

This entry was published on July 14, 2005 at 6:14 pm and is filed under Soapboxing. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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