A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

In Idol Memoriam, Constantine “Lewd Lips” Maroulis

I simply CANNOT believe that Constantine is gone from American Idol!
Not that he was ever my favorite.  Oh, heavens no.  The weird bloated-yet-lewdly-sneering look really wasn’t cutting it for me, and neither were the greasy locks.  However, his sudden discovery that he was a pretty decent tenor who could croon it up was a welcome change to his rockstar pantomime, and I thought he was doing well. 
But come on.  Surely there was one candidate who GLARINGLY and MOST VICIOUSLY sucked eternal ass last night!  Surely there was one contestant who was off-key for nine-tenths of his lackluster, karaoke-style performance!  Suuuuuuuuurely there was a contestant whose pudgy and aggressive persona belongs more in some sort of COPS episode on account of that *cough* domestic *cough* disturbance *cough* wifebeater *cough*… you know, kind of thing!
Surely America doesn’t like Scott Savol that much.
More than Vonzell?  You have got to be kidding me!  She’s Baby V!  She’s the wubbiest– apart from my cat, of course!  Even though she kinda sucked and went off-key a couple of times last night, she’s totally likable! 
More than Anthony?  Can he truly have less sex-appeal than John Stevens?  He’s the cutie Ukranian doll with the sob story!  He looks like a cute li’l baby chicken!  And he actually did well last night, even though I wouldn’t rush to buy that recording anytime soon; but he DID DO WELL!
I am aghast.  I thought Constantine had a cavalcade of panty-tossing groupies!  I thought men wanted to be him and women wanted to do him!  Whatever happened?  I expected to be fully disgusted by the Constantine Machine for at least two more weeks!  I feel completely robbed!  ROBBED, DO YOU HEAR ME!
I shall get over it.  But if anyone lays a finger on my Bo next week, I am going to…..

This entry was published on April 28, 2005 at 2:55 am and is filed under Pop Culture. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “In Idol Memoriam, Constantine “Lewd Lips” Maroulis

  1. Yeah, I was really surprised when Constantine got voted off, too!
    Not that he’s the greatest singer in the group, but he certainly isn’t the WORST and he has looooots and lots of fans.
    I can’t stand Scott. I think he did alright when they were doing the auditions, but I just think he sucks now. He’s good and all, but certainly nothing special.
    Don’t think Anthony is all that great either (even though he’s a good singer), he just doesn’t appeal to me, I don’t usually listen to that kind of music.
    I am really rooting for Vonzell, I hope she wins!

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