A Daily Dose of Zen Sarcasm!

Things That Piss Me Off

Okay. So I just have to get this off my chest. Look at it as an exercise in becoming a better, more detached person. And please, if you’re stopping by and feel like I’ve completely ignored something that pisses you off, kindly add it to the list! Truly, I firmly believe you will feel better! (Or not. I just ran a search and realized these lists are quite common. Blah. That just pissed me off)

But here are some random things that piss me off:

1. Katie Couric’s fake bubbliness. When she gushes over things (like she just did over that boring-looking Kidman-Penn movie, “The Interpreter”) she tends to come across as less genuine and more utterly fake.
2. People who show bad manners at yoga class: walking in late; not turning off cellphones; talking during pranayama; stepping over others’ mats; etc.
3. People who slow down when they are about to merge, only to make a quickie lane change and make you look like the jerk.
4. Women who identify themselves primarily as So-and-So’s Mom thus gratuitoulsy acknowledging that prior to having children they were, in fact, nobodies.
5. Self-proclaimed communists who earn over $150,000 a year, wear designer suits and drink $10 martinis.
6. People who claim that homosexuality is disgusting because, “who wants to see two gay people make out?” and then proceed to suck face disgustingly with their own partner in front of everyone. PDA/heavy petting is disgusting, hetero or homo. Get a room, homophobe.
7. Scuffed white pumps. They make me shudder.
8. People who don’t “do carbs” and yet eat lettuce, carrots and corn.
9. Those who confuse a high-volumed, loud voice with an actual powerful, tuneful voice.
10. People who don’t “get a hint”
11. Rude shop people at high-end stores. Just because I cannot afford it doesn’t mean I can’t browse!
12. People who have some sort of illness and don’t bother to get enough information about their condition. Yes, medical terms are complicated, but really! It’s your health and no one else’s!
13. Blaming the poor Food Pyramid for the obesity epidemic. How about blaming people for not cooking at home, for a change?
14. Blogs with many glaring misspellings and grammar mistakes– unintentional
(if your blog is written in a vernacular or consistent apparent misspelling like hacker text, that’s a style issue). If you’re putting a product out for the world to see, you should not sound like you are the unfortunate victim of a stroke, or like your keyboard’s keys are jumbled around.
15. Fitness “experts” who claim that anyone can have a flat “tummy” (<–shudder) or a great butt or lean thighs or longer legs (?????) if they just do this one move/workout/fitness regimen three times a day for thrity minutes! Right. Genetics can be fixed in thirty minutes, just like Dr. Phil can solve a problem in thirty minutes…. or less.
16. Geico’s malicious claim that they’ll save you “up to 15% or more” on car insurance. So which is it? Up to 15%? More than 15%? Or not at all, this being my own personal experience with Geico. I did get hit on by the agent, so I guess that might be what they mean by “or more.”
17. Stupid people like the woman who planted the finger in the Wendy’s chili bowl, tried to sue, withdrew the suit –because it was just SOOO traumatic– and finally was arrested. It’s malicious people like this woman who cost taxpayers and companies millions of dollars; who ruin reputations; who lie compulsively and who steal fingers from emergency rooms so they can plant them in their own chili and then live off this frivolous lawsuit! UGH!
18. Paula Abdul. I’m sorry to hear about her struggle with pain and all that stuff, but she’s still a moron who needs to shut up.
19. Lying airlines who rope you into their schemes of cheaper airfare… only to reveal later that you actually end up paying twice as much as you originally thought you’d pay– and as much as you would if you didn’t have the cheaper airfare scheme in the first place.
20. Car companies who, in their zeal to “restyle” or “update” a perfectly fine and good-looking car make it look icky, generic and plasticky. Whatever happened to brand loyalty?
21. Nissan car commericials. Evil leeches of cool. Evil, evil, evil.
22. Mosquitos. Disgusting little creatures that suck out blood and put parasites in. Creepy, buzzing harbingers of scary diseases. Plain awful. At least cockroaches don’t do the whole “stealth attack” thing.
23. Nicole Kidman’s scary, unwrinkled, most-likely-Botoxed face. *shudder* She can’t even SMILE correctly, for freakishness’ sake!
24. Clueless, old-fashioned, dumb….. call them whatever you want, but people who pay with check ESPECIALLY at the grocery store need to be cattle-prodded into moving out of the way. Hello, Check-Card?!?!?

Okay. I can’t think of any more for now. But I’m sure that a fresh crop will pop into my head as soon as I leave the kb.

This entry was published on April 22, 2005 at 3:05 pm and is filed under Soapboxing. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

One thought on “Things That Piss Me Off

  1. I second the Nicole Kidman thing. Scary plastic lady! My husband has wet dreams about her and I have nightmares.
    You are hillarious my lady! Keep it up!

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